croaking and breathing
(Jenkintown, Pennsylvania)
today, I awoke into a hollowed out body. it's not like I can't move or anything; I can. i just can't really think about or chew what I do; I often find myself "discovering" that I'm in whatever present situation I'm in, not fully aware as to how I arrived to that moment. for example; right now I'm sipping my 2nd to last morning coffee before I leave the country. when did that happen? bruh
during the past few months, this hollowness has repeatedly shown up, and it’s happened for a lot of my life. It’s definitely not something new. tomorrow is the day I leave, and with it, there are many (too many) unanswered questions in my brain. Frick frick frick frick frick frick frick
it’s at this point I croak. then I take a deep breath. then i taste my coffee.
tomorrow, my feet will lift off American soil, and I’ll be flying over to Thailand for the first time since 10 years old. for the first month, I'll be taking classes on English Teaching Pedagogy, as well as Thai Langauge classes. then, for the rest of the year, I'll be teaching English in Sukhothai, Thailand.
back in April, just moments before I was about to give a presentation for my Senior Neuroscience, I received an email from the IIE saying that my Fulbright Application portal had been updated. knowing that the big decision was right there, I had never clicked a link so anxiously and quickly. once it opened, my heart stopped beating. i was filled with a fiery adrenaline. i was accepted. and boy oh boy oh boy oh boy, did I feel relieved!!